


Riding the Wave

by TamChronin



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-11-27 08:50:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18192389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TamChronin/pseuds/TamChronin
Summary: Ten years later, the 'new wave' of top go players are facing the world. What has happened in all that time? More importantly...what will happen next? The world stands still for no one.





	1. A Child's Eyes

"You can't make me go back in there!" Saya shouted at the top of her lungs. She didn't see who she had run into, and she didn't particularly care. It was an adult, and they had all been looking for her. Whoever it was, he was the enemy.

"Back where?" he asked kindly. Whoever he was, he had a kind voice, and when she looked up she saw that his face fit his voice. His hair was long, a dark ash color, and cut in a rather rigid style for all its length. His bangs were cut almost painfully exact, and the hair that was inching down his back was cut just as straight. His eyes though...his eyes were soft and glowed with an inner light. Despite his advanced years, she decided she liked him.

"That room. There." She pointed to the large auditorium down the hall, where people were now gathering at the doors.

"The Tournament?"

Ah, so he was one of them. Saya's stance became rigid, and she prepared to bolt yet again. "Yes, in there. I never want to play go again!" Her hands balled in fists, and tears sprung at the corners of her eyes.

There were gasps from the spectators who had followed her, and low muttering raced even past the doorway to the people inside.

"It's okay," the adult said, kneeling down to her level. "No one can make you do something you don't want to do. Go is a game that you have to love, or you will never be very good at it."

"That's not true!"

He blinked, taken aback. "Eh? Which part?"

"All of it," she wailed, tears streaming down her face. "None of it. I don't know." She was overcome by her crying. "I just don't ever want to do that again."

One of the men from the Tournament, one of the judges, came forward. "Touya-sensei," he murmured, but was cut short.

"It's okay. Let me talk to her."

"We need Saya-chan for the awards ceremony. It will be awkward without her."

Saya shook her head. "I can't do it," she whispered, backing away.

"What award is she receiving?"

"First place in Girls, First place in Grade Four, and First place all around. Since we will have to call her three times, we can't--"

"Please try to stall for a few minutes while I find out what is wrong. If Saya still refuses, I will offer my personal apologies."

"Touya-sensei! I don't...that is, I mean...of course. I'll see what I can do." The official bowed stiffly and backed away. Saya was surprised that he'd been cowed so easily, but then she looked again at the adult kneeling before her, Touya-sensei, and was shocked to see a fierce and glowing determination in his eyes that demanded obedience. It was gone in an instant though as he turned to her and smiled. "In return, Saya-chan, I would like you to tell me what is wrong. How could you be so upset about winning?"

"Because, every time I win, someone else loses. When I beat Sato-kun he cried! Sato-kun never cries, and he kept apologizing to his parents, and I know how much it hurts to cry and I never want to hurt someone like that. I didn't mean to get him in trouble!"

He nodded, frowning slightly in concern. "I'm sure you didn't get him in trouble. He'll feel better soon, and he will learn from his mistakes. If you want to get good at something you have to learn how to accept defeat, because no one wins all the time."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely," he assured.

"Even the greatest go player ever?"

Touya was nodding, but another adult answered flippantly, "At least twice that I know of."

Saya jumped as she heard the voice from behind her. She turned to look quickly, nervously, wondering what kind of person this would be. The newcomer was dressed casually in a t-shirt and faded jeans with bright yellow sneakers. His hair seemed to be naturally black, but his long bangs were bleached a striking shade of blond. His eyes were wide and friendly, and he smiled easily, looking friendlier than the soft-spoken and kind Touya.

"Shindou, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you, actually. Didn't mean to interrupt though. By all means, go on."

Saya took that as her opening. "So, you mean to say, it's okay to lose? Even if it hurts?"

Shindou looked over at Touya as if asking permission for something, and Touya nodded. "Some of the biggest lessons we have to learn are the ones that hurt. We don't always like it, but we can't grow without that." Shindou's voice conveyed how he was speaking from experience, and not just lecturing like some adults did.

Saya nodded. "So, it's okay to want to play still?"

"Of course," the two adults chorused. They looked startled to have said the same thing at the same time, but they shared a laugh over it and Saya felt a lot better.

"Good. Because, even though I said I never wanted to play again, I still love to very much. I wouldn't want to have to stop now." She turned happily and started to head back to the large auditorium where some of the other awards were already being presented.

"That's one brave girl," Shindou murmured as if she couldn't hear...but she could. "Poor thing. How bad did she lose?"

Saya turned, surprised. Touya also looked shocked, but then started laughing. Shindou waited expectantly, looking lost. Finally Saya grinned and shook her head. "Shindou-san, I have never lost!" With that she skipped away, ready to accept her awards.

~~~~~@~~~~~

After everything died down and most people had left, Saya stayed behind and asked if she could use a goban until it was time for everything to be packed away. The lady she spoke to was happy to allow it, especially when Saya said that she would help to put things away when she was done. She just wanted time alone with the board.

She began by replaying the last game, the one that had put her best friend in tears. Sato had bragged and bragged at school, and Saya had been one of his biggest fans and greatest supporters. At one point during the game she'd thought about throwing it, about just letting him win, but something within her wouldn't allow it. That's not something you do to a respected opponent. It's not playing fair. She could never...could never....

Saya knew it as soon as he'd been beaten. It wasn't a matter of counting or anything, but it was an instinct that told her that the stones weren't flowing right. They were creating a universe together, but his stars were no longer shining as brightly. Something within coldly calculated and showed her exactly what to do, how to expand the white and destroy his weak eye formation in the left. He'd been counting on her leaving that alone until he could return and buttress that somehow, but her stones were already in position to attack. She was brutal and unforgiving.

He surrendered.

She looked at the game before her again, this time without the emotional pressure of playing someone she'd always admired. She looked at the board and didn't see him and the growing disappointment in his hazel eyes. She looked at the stones and didn't see the slump of defeat in his shoulders. She only saw the game, and she wondered what she would have done in his place.

"Maybe, if he had hit me here, then I would have had to pull back and play more defensively. Ten turns ago, he could have played into my territory and distracted me, or moved back to the left and--no. He really shouldn't have spent so much effort on that incomplete eye; instead he should have tried harder here. It would have been a sacrifice, but he would have had a more stable base."

"And if I went here?" It was a recognizable voice, but she didn't place it right away. She was too intent on the board. There was a challenge before her, and she didn't pause to think about answering it.

"No good. I could spend another turn strengthening my territory and rebuke your attack."

"Not if I played here next, and took these pieces."

"It's a game of cat and mouse. That territory is expendable--wait a minute! Your last move changed that!"

She frowned, concentrating again on the board, wondering how two moves could have changed everything so much. It was true though, the stars in the sky there shone more brilliantly, and white was again at a more balanced state. She would have to rethink the entire board.

"Where are your parents? Weren't they here to cheer your victory?"

"Grandma had to see the doctor again. She won't be home for another hour or so, so I have time to kill. She's the only one I have, my parents died a year ago."

Saya didn't look up to see the pity she knew would be on the adult's face. She was sick of those expressions. Every time some stupid grown up heard about it and tried to make her feel better, it only made her feel worse all over again. They never got the hint though, so she tuned it out and kept concentrating on the game.

She was surprised to note that she was only met by silence. She placed a black stone somewhat clumsily, holding it between thumb and forefinger, but she was certain now of where it should go.

"Why did you place it there?"

"That's what feels right."

"Who taught you how to play?"

"No one. I taught myself."

The adult across from her sucked in air, and she looked up to see his green eyes grow wide with surprise. "H-how?"

"Books and magazines. Sato-kun tried to tell me how to place the stones properly, but he's not very patient, so he gave up before we even played a game together. Today was the first time we played. He didn't think I could because of a stupid thing like how I hold the pieces. Boys." Saya rolled her eyes.

She heard a laugh behind her and found herself wishing that the adults would stop surrounding her and taking her by surprise. It was intimidating enough to have everyone staring at her when she received her awards on stage, but now she was still getting attention when all she had wanted was a chance to go over the game and try to learn from it. Would these two pick it apart before she had a chance to come to her own conclusions? Would they see things before she did and think she was weak for not seeing them first?

"We know all about underestimating an opponent because they can't hold the go stones properly, don't we Touya?"

"It was a mistake I made for about five minutes, Shindou," Touya said coldly as he stood up. "I never made that mistake again."

Shindou laughed and walked around so he could see the board from the other side. "Relax," he said, clapping a friendly hand on the other adult's shoulder. "By all rights I should have lost that game."

"So, when are you going to tell me why you didn't? You've been telling me 'some day' for nine years."

"Almost ten," Shindou agreed, nodding as he examined the game. "I will tell you, some day. Not here, not now." He bent closer to the board, moving his fingers as if counting off something. "What game is this?"

Saya jumped, blushing at all the attention she was getting. Wouldn't this day ever end? It was embarrassing enough! "It's the last game I won today, I was just going over my mistakes. I'm sorry. Then Touya-sensei heard me talking to myself and started adding to it and...I'm sorry! I should have started cleaning up by now and helping to pack everything!" Indeed, as she noticed the world around her she realized that most of the tables had been cleared and dismantled for storage.

"Relax, nobody is rushing you out of here. They won't say a word to you as long as Touya is here anyway." Shindou grinned and winked, sitting down in the seat the other man had just vacated.

That just made Saya more uncomfortable, "I don't want to be a bother to anyone!"

"Oh, trust me, you're not. Saya-chan, I'd like to play a game with you, if you don't mind."

She stood, shaking her head emphatically. "I said I'd help put everything away in exchange for letting me use the board, and I have already stayed too long. I should really go home soon and see how my grandma's appointment went too, and so I'm sorry, but I really can't right now."

The adults exchanged an indecipherable look, and Touya was the one who spoke next. "It's okay, Saya-chan, but maybe some other time. Shindou and I are both interested in how well you play. Here is my card. I would appreciate it very much if you'd ask your grandmother to call me some time, and we could play at a later date." He bowed after handing over his card, then smiled at her winningly. The men both left, leaving Saya standing and holding the card with a confused expression.

She snapped out of it a few minutes later when she saw the lady who had given her permission to stay after everyone else had gone. "Excuse me, I'm sorry, I would like to help out now if you'll just tell me what to do!"

The lady smiled and shook her head. "There's not much left that a child could help with, unless you want to satisfy my curiosity."

"Anything, I just don't want to be a bother for being in everyone's way for so long."

"What did Shindou-sensei and Touya-sensei talk to you about? They don't usually hang around after events like this."

"Oh, they saw the game I was going over from the last match, and then they both wanted to play against me. Touya-sensei even handed me his card. So embarrassing! I didn't know so many people would want to see me play if I came here!"

"Did they really...both of them?" Saya nodded in reply. "Well, if you want my opinion, you really should go. An opportunity like this doesn't come every day, not with players like them. Touya-sensei is on the verge of winning his first title, and he's only 25! Don't lose that card; if you could convince him to teach you, you could probably become a pro some day!"

Saya looked down at the card in shock. It didn't seem strange to her that the man was 25 and winning a title, that was positively ancient in her mind. What struck her though was the thought that maybe he could teach her. She'd wanted real lessons since the day she started looking at the kifu in her father's magazines and everything had suddenly clicked. Saya's biggest regret was never telling her dad that she wanted to learn, that she might be able to play, because she knew nothing would have made him happier. If she became a pro, would he smile at her from heaven?

She hugged the business card to her like a lifeline. Saya would do everything she could to get her grandmother to call that man.


	2. Can Do No Wrong

They walked in companionable silence until they reached the parking lot.  Touya Akira pulled out his keys to deactivate the alarm and noticed that Shindou's car was nowhere to be found.  "You walked?"

"No, I caught a ride with a friend.  I planned on taking the subway back though, no big deal."

"I can give you a ride if you'd like."

Shindou shrugged.  "It's not like I'm in a hurry to get home.  It's just me and the four walls after all, since Akari has...er...something to do tonight.  If I take the subway home, there's a greater chance that something interesting will happen."  He paused when Akira gave him a wry smile.  "That is, I mean, if I just go straight home there's nothing to do!  Not that you'd be boring!"

"Actually, I was thinking of inviting you to dinner, to congratulate you," Akira said, shaking his head with suppressed amusement.  Really, Shindou was too much some days.

As expected, the other man brightened immediately.  "Really?  Why didn't you say so?  That sounds a lot better than--"

"Just get in the car, Shindou."

Akira drove in contented silence for a time, Shindou was just smiling out the window.  _I'd give anything to know what he's thinking now--though it's probably just something simple like how happy he is that he doesn't have to cook tonight._   He shook his head, reminding himself to keep his attention on the road and not his rival.

Shindou was the first to break the silence.  "So, what was going on with that little girl back there?  I didn't expect you to offer her lessons like that."

"She's got talent," he said after a slight hesitation.

"So have a lot of kids we've run into over the years, but you usually wait for them to decide for themselves.  It looked like you would have offered to teach her for free."

Akira checked his mirrors, readying for the left turn ahead.  "Actually, that's what I mean to do," he said softly as he made the turn.

"What?"  His passenger was clearly shocked by this announcement.  "Why?"

_Why indeed?  Her game wasn't **that** spectacular, even though she won.  Her claim that she'd never lost though...what was that?  Was that the moment I decided...?_

"You'll laugh," Akira muttered, shaking his head as he looked for a parking spot.

"Nah!  Why would I do that?"  Shindou's voice was as bright and chipper as when they had been teenagers, for the first time in entirely too long.  Maybe making him laugh wouldn't be so bad....

"She reminded me of you," he admitted finally, pulling into a space and shutting off the car.  "There's a ramen place just around the corner, and with luck they'll only charge twice as much as this parking garage will."

Shindou laughed, whether at the first statement, or the wry joke that accompanied it Akira didn't know.  He didn't want to ask either.  "You remembered my favorite!"

"How could I forget?  For an entire year there, you'd bound in and demand that if you won I would treat you to ramen."

He grinned and bowed slightly, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment.  "Oh yeah, I guess I did do that.  It made the games more interesting though!"

Akira finally opened his car door and got out, again finding himself overwhelmed by the boisterous personality of his companion.  "For you, maybe."  They closed the doors and he set the alarm as they walked away.  "For me, it was...I was just happy to play."  Their footsteps echoed as they walked until they reached the sidewalk.  "I miss that, you know."

"I've been thinking about that lately," Shindou admitted, looking down at his feet.  "Maybe we could start playing on a regular basis again, like we used to at your father's--"

"No."

"Touya?"

He took a deep breath, then tried to come up with a reason that would make sense, and wouldn't betray his feelings.  "With your wedding coming up, you'll be too busy.  Then you'll be spending too much time with your bride--honestly, I'm surprised you're free right now."

"This is about what happened three years ago, isn't it?"  Shindou sounded bitter, hurt, and defensive.

"No!  Of course not!"  Well, it was, but not in the way he assumed.  "I would not have agreed to be your best man if I held any of that against you."

"I won't be that busy," Shindou said softly, still staring at his feet.  "Akari is taking care of pretty much everything.  She said she just wants me to show up to it, and doesn't really care about anything else."

"Shindou?"  This didn't sound like any of the weddings he'd heard about from anyone else he knew.  When Ogata had finally gotten married, for example, he'd been constantly busy for months, and he was hardly ever seen without his fiancé.  He had also acted a lot different from this...it was nothing Akira could put his finger on, but this didn't seem right.  "Is *this* about what happened three years ago?"

"What?"  He stopped short on the sidewalk, turning surprised eyes on Akira.

"The wedding.  Waya-san got married a year ago, and now you are asking me out of the blue to be at your wedding.  I thought if anyone would be your best man, he--"

"Don't.  Don't talk to me about him right now, please."

A tense silence passed between them for a few heartbeats, then they turned as one and entered the ramen stand.  Neither spoke for a while except to order; it wasn't until they started eating that the air between them lost the emotional charge.  "I'm sorry," Akira finally said, hoping to rekindle the conversation.  "I didn't realize things were still like that."

"You've got to stop doing that, Touya."

"Hmmm?"  He was caught with a mouth full of food.

"You keep finding the truth about me that no one else seems to see.  It's spooky."

He blinked, and then paused for a drink of water.  "I know you better than anyone else.  Isn't that what I told you?"  Akira thought he was making a joke, but the look in Shindou's eyes told him he'd struck too close to home yet again.

"You still wouldn't understand.  You can know all you want about me, but you're still the golden boy of the go world, and I'm the class clown.  They only tolerate me because I'm good at what I do.  **You** only tolerate me because--"

"Shindou!  What's gotten into you?  We're not kids anymore.  You reached me ten years ago, and it hasn't been about that ever since!"

"You're the one who brought up the wedding.  Well, congratulations, you're right.  It's all about the scandal, and the fact that now that Waya is married he's been able to put it all behind him, and I just want the same."

Akira nodded.  "I--I thought, when you mentioned you were marrying a girl I'd never met named Akari, I thought I remembered you had mentioned her before when we were teenagers.  You said she was like a sister, and she drove you crazy because she couldn't play go to save her life, but she tried anyway."

"My God," Shindou said with wide eyes.  "You remember everything, don't you?"

_Everything about you,_ he thought, pushing away his empty bowl.  He didn't say anything though; he just shrugged as if that would be answer enough.  His friend and rival didn't need...wouldn't appreciate such sentiment from him at this point.  Not if he was trying to hide from the hole of controversy he'd found himself in all those years ago.  Instead he decided to change the subject.  "Are Wednesday nights good for you?"

"What?"

"You want to play again, like old days.  You've got me feeling nostalgic, and Wednesdays are best for me.  If that doesn't work, we'll figure out another night, even if I have to rearrange lessons or something, okay?"  Inwardly, Akira was kicking himself for this, but he found himself doing it anyway.  He was even looking forward to it.  It had been too long since they'd spent any time together on a regular basis, and he didn't want to pass up this opportunity, even if it hurt, even if it scared him.

"You're serious?"

Akira pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and started drawing a map.  "You haven't been to my place since I moved out on my own.  I'll give you this map, and we'll go over there tonight and play a game, just to make sure you don't get lost."

"You'll never let me live that down, will you?"  Shindou was laughing though, so that was a good sign.  He looked brighter again, somehow more alive.

That erased any qualms Akira had been harboring.  "Of course not!  That's what friends do, right?"

"No, friends forgive and forget."

"Sure, sure, after some good-natured ribbing to remind you of the happy times.  You only have yourself to blame, you're the one who taught me that."

"It's been too long since we played for any reason other than," Shindou sighed, "business."

Akira couldn't agree more, but...no, it wouldn't do any good to point fingers of blame now.  It was ancient history.  He would leave the past behind them.  Shindou was someone you had to take day by day.  He would drive a person insane with his strange and unexpected behavior otherwise.  It had been that way from the beginning....


	3. Their Favorite Bad Boy

Hikaru smiled, double checking the sheet of paper in front of him and glancing at the clock for about the fifth time.  Yes, he was at the right place, and he was actually early.  "It's a really nice house too," he murmured to himself, shaking his head.  "Then again, of course it is.  That's just like Touya.  I'll bet he didn't move on his own until he knew he could afford something like this."

It didn't matter.  He was a little regretful that he didn't know for sure, considering how the two of them had been so close in their mutual striving years ago.  Right now though, that wasn't important.  He wasn't in love, and he wasn't about to leave everything at the wayside over something as silly as that again.  Hikaru was finally picking up the pieces and returning to his life and what he was really meant for.

With newly squared shoulders and a determined smile he pressed the intercom button and waited.  A thrill of nervous energy rushed through him when he heard Touya's voice, and he answered a little more enthusiastically than he'd meant to.

"Come in, please.  It's open.  I'm still teaching right now, so I am sorry for being rude and not showing you in."

"No problem," he replied cheerfully, smiling.

He found himself walking in with a spring to his step and a sense of hope he'd been lacking since the shit hit the fan three years ago.  This was a step forward in leaving behind the headlines of scandals and blatant lies that he couldn't believe had ever been printed.  The inquiry.  The...infamy.

Most of all, it was a step forward in leaving behind the insecurity and depression.  He hadn't felt that lonely and hopeless since that day in May when Sai had silently and swiftly slipped away.  He'd only nodded off for a moment, in the middle of a game, and....

No, this was not the time to think of losing Sai or Waya.  This was not the time for painful things.  This was his step forward.  Into the future.

He slid open the door, ignoring the slight tremble in his hands.  The first of his regular games with Touya again.  It was finally time.

So, why did he almost turn right around and leave?

Hikaru found himself biting his lower lip as he walked through the door.  It quickly bloomed into a full smile as he heard the familiar click of stones placed upon a goban and Touya's voice in gentle admonition.  Hikaru figured it must be a new student to be getting the kind treatment still; he well knew the limits of Touya's patience when someone did something "stupid" and was expected to be better than that.

He chuckled softly to himself as he removed his shoes.  Just the other night he'd found himself at the wrong end of a set of scathing comments for doing something "wrong".

_I know you're not rusty, since you haven't skipped a pro game in ten years,_ Touya had said, his voice glacially cold.  _So, either you're not taking me seriously, or playing Waya all this time has addled your brains._

_Relax!  I just wanted to see what you'd do!_   Hikaru had grinned playfully at the time, unable to hold back the nostalgia-inspired glee.

And oh, how it had degenerated from there....

Today would be better though.

"I think that's enough for today," Touya said from the other room, just before Hikaru would have peeked inside.

"Thank you, Sensei!" came the cheerful reply.  It was the voice of a little girl--one he thought he recognized.  A moment later, Saya bounced out of the room, sliding the door open so fast Hikaru jumped despite half expecting it.  She almost ran into him, but she stopped at the last possible moment and bowed so that her soft violet hair fell in her face.  "Good evening, Shindou-sensei!"

"Saya-chan," he replied, bowing slightly with a grin on his face.  "So, how was your lesson?  This was your first?"

"Yes, it was.  It was so long!  I'm not used to sitting still like that for so long," she complained casually.

Hikaru laughed, but in the other room Touya was shaking his head as he stood.  "You'll get used to it in time, Saya-chan.  Maybe you should practice sitting still for next week."

Saya's eyes grew large.  "I don't know how to practice sitting still," she said, voice quavering.

"I'll call your grandmother and ask her to help you with it," Touya said, eyes barely giving a hint that he was teasing the little girl.  "She'll probably thank me for it."

She gasped, then crossed her arms and pouted.  To Hikaru's experienced eye, it looked like she wanted to say something but was afraid to get her teacher mad at her.  He couldn't blame her a bit, since Touya had a legendary scary "game face".

So, Hikaru would have to come to her rescue.

"You'll have to forgive Touya, he forgets that not everyone was born with go stones clutched in their fists."  He shot Saya a wink and patted her casually on top of her head.  She positively beamed in response, but quickly looked in Touya's direction to see how he'd react.

"In order to be a pro, you have to eventually learn to take it seriously," he replied, shrugging.

"Relax!  She's already better than I was at her age," Hikaru rebutted.

Saya spoke softly at the same time though.  "A pro?"  She looked back and forth between them quickly.  "I could be a pro like both of you?"

"It will take hard work and dedication, but I believe you could," Touya said, walking closer.  "If that is what you want, then I will teach you everything I can to help you.  Of course, when that happens I'll have to start charging you for lessons."  This time he added a wink, smiling as he said the last sentence.

"Yes, Sensei!  Thank you, Sensei!  I'll work hard so you'll be proud and I can repay you for this and I'll even practice hard at sitting still this week so--"

"Saya-chan!  Relax.  He was joking about sitting still.  You're still young; you should go out and enjoy life while you still can.  Spend time playing with your friends, okay?"  Hikaru thought her attitude and enthusiasm were admirable, but to keep her from having fun--?

"Okay!"  Now she grinned from ear to ear and raced toward the door and put on her shoes quickly.  "I have to go before Grandmother gets worried!  I'll be back next week, bye-bye!"  In an instant she was out the door, her loud voice still echoing through the still and silent house.

Hikaru found himself staring at the closed door thoughtfully, only peripherally aware of Touya staring at him questioningly.  He was lost in the past, remembering someone else with that exact shade of violet hair and those same piercing green eyes and somehow containing the same mercurial mood swings.  He idly wondered when her birthday was, and chuckled evilly at the thought of getting her something with a picture of a toad on it, just to see her reaction.

"Shindou?"

He straightened with a start, grinning guiltily.  "Ah, sorry.  She just...she...reminds me of someone.  That's all."  He then turned away from the door and shrugged.

Touya led the way into the kitchen.  "I hope you don't mind, but I haven't eaten yet.  Are you hungry?  Could I get you anything?"

Hikaru started to make an excuse, "Oh, no thank you, I had a late lunch and--" he was cut off by his stomach growling very loudly in protest.

"I promise, I won't poison it," Touya replied, shaking his head.  "Come on, I'll throw something together for both of us.  It will be just as easy to fix something for both of us as it would be to make something for myself alone, and this way I won't feel rude about eating in front of you."

He couldn't argue with that.  "I'll help.  Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it!"

Touya eyed him appraisingly, and then nodded as he opened the door.  "In that case, sit right over there and wait."

"Touya!  I'm serious, I want to help!"

"I'm serious too.  Sit there, and wait," he pointed.  "If you really want to help, you can answer some questions.  I already told you that Saya reminds me of you, but who does she remind you of?  A relative?"

Hikaru took a deep breath and held it a moment.  "Are you sure you don't want me to chop anything up or something?  I do know how to cook after all, so--"

"Shindou."  Touya had his hands on his hips, and his eyes were flashing with impatience.  "If you don't want to answer, then just don't answer.  I was only trying to make conversation, but you're the one who brought it up in the first place."

He sat down quietly, frowning.  The kitchen was soon filled with the sounds of food being made, and Hikaru tossed the words over and over in his head, trying to somehow build up the courage to just say them.  Maybe, if he said it softly enough, Touya wouldn't hear and his soul would still feel unburdened by the admission.  Then, he could build up to explaining later and--

"She reminds me of Sai," he said as softly as he could while still being loud enough to satisfy the growing feeling inside of him.

Touya dropped the plate he'd just pulled out.

"Shindou?"

Okay, so that plan had backfired.  Time for plan B.  What was plan B?  Okay, time to come up with plan B.

Maybe it was just time to tell him everything.

Part of him rebelled out of habit, unwilling to share the secret he'd held alone for so long.  A thousand reasons to keep his mouth shut flooded his brain again, primary among them was that he just didn't think now was the right time.  He wanted to be able to plan what he was going to say, not have to jump into it suddenly.  "It's a really long story," he began, stalling.

Touya bent over, picking up the plate and examining it for chips.  It had escaped miraculously unscathed, so he placed it in the sink and pulled out another one.  His shoulders were tense, and he kept shooting glances toward Hikaru, but he didn't say a word for a while.  When he finally spoke, his voice was full of barely suppressed reluctance.  "If it's that long of a story, maybe it should wait for another time.  I don't want the short version after all, I want every detail you're willing to give me."

Hikaru nodded, smiling gratefully.  "I promise.  I'll tell you everything."

"Okay," he said, giving a tight smile.  "I look forward to that someday you keep promising."  The disappointment was obvious though, to Hikaru's practiced eye.

"Someday soon," he corrected gently.  "That's also a promise."


	4. Lessons to Learn

_I'm never going to remember all those words,_ Saya thought to herself, biting her lower lip.  That was the problem with having an intuitive grasp of something.  She knew the how and the why of playing go, but the vocabulary was not coming as easily.

"Touya-sensei is going to hate me.  He'll tell me I'm not worthy of being a pro if I can't remember all of this, and he'll stop teaching me.  Grandmother, I--"

"Stop your crying," the old woman said gently, putting a box down on the table before her with a grunt.  "I'm sure he was a child once too, so he'll be sure to understand if you can't learn some things overnight.  Now, this is the last of your father's old books and magazines.  I'm glad I didn't throw them out when we cleaned up the house, but I had a feeling you'd follow in his footsteps."

"Did Daddy want to be a pro too?"

Grandmother nodded, looking sad.  "He wanted to, but I...I discouraged him.  I told him he was too intelligent to sit around and play games all day.  He was a good son, and he never disagreed with me, but I've always wondered if I did the right thing."

Saya squirmed, not sure how to take her grandmother's words or her regretful tone.  "He still loved to play though, all the time.  Mommy and Daddy would play sometimes, and I would fall asleep while I watched them.  They both loved it."

"I'm sure they did," Grandmother murmured, then stood tall.  She ruffled Saya's hair casually and moved to leave the room.  "I hope those things can help you learn better, child.  Take care of them, they're in your keeping now."

She practically glowed at those words, feeling very grown up now.  With an almost reverent feel, she began to look through the box.  One of the first things to catch her eye was a book.  The cover was simple and elegant, and it looked like it had been read and reread often.  The author's name startled her though--Touya Kouyo.  Sensei's given name was Akira, but was this person a relative of his?  Shindou-sensei had said something about being born with go stones in his hands, so was this how Sensei had learned?

Saya hugged the book to her chest; it made her feel like she'd found some link in an invisible chain.  If any book could help her understand better, it would be this one, right?  If any book could help her learn what words she needed, and how to improve, it would be this.

With exaggerated care, she placed the book to the side and began looking at the pile of newspapers at the bottom.  Weekly World Go, they announced proudly at the top of each front page.  There were many boxes of these that her father had saved over his lifetime.

This one though....

This one had Shindou-sensei on the front.  Saya was at first thrilled to see a familiar face, smiling at how much younger and more carefree he looked there.  How long ago was this?  Only three years?  That meant he'd aged a great deal in that much time, because he looked a lot older now.

The headline seemed to explain that though.  "Scandal Rocks the Go World!"  She scanned the article, catching things completely unexpected.  "...Accusations of cheating and throwing games for each other...admittedly living together for years now...using inside information...gambling...."  None of this sounded like Shindou-sensei at all.  Then, there were more things about his past that Saya also didn't like.  He was accused of being arrogant and irreverent, making a mockery of go.  They pointed out many times how he was "known for skipping games for no reason."  She hurriedly skipped to the rest of the article and saw another picture, this one with Shindou-sensei and another guy.  "Denied reports of being more than just roommates," and "have it on good authority that they are hiding something from the press.  Something that could be devastating to one or both of their reputations."

Saya's blood ran cold.  She stopped skimming and began reading in depth, uncomfortable with what she was reading.  It couldn't be true.  He was so kind.  He was so fun.  He was understanding and--

"Saya-chan!"

She nearly jumped out of her skin, feeling guilty for what she'd been reading.  She'd hoped to go over certain moves, not dredge up old gossip.  Now she had to leave for her lesson, and wasn't any closer to learning the assigned terms.  Even worse, the disturbing news was buzzing through her mind and shoving all other thoughts aside.

"I'm coming!  Thank you for reminding me!"  Her eyes lingered on the picture of the guy with the wild red hair though, and she couldn't stop wondering what kind of person this Waya Yoshitaka was, and what kind of bad influence he had been on Shindou-sensei.  It was beyond the realm of possibility that it was the other way around, since that devilish red hair alone proved her theory.

But, she'd have to keep an eye on Shindou-sensei anyway now.  Just in case.

"Hurry up, child.  You're going to be late."  Grandmother sounded slightly out of breath as she appeared in the bedroom doorway.  She was paler than usual, but Saya barely paid attention to that.  Some days were better than others, and Grandmother explained that it was just part of growing old.  She was sweating too, but again that wasn't too noteworthy....

"I love you, Grandmother!"  Saya raced from the room and gave the old woman a hug in passing.  "I'll be back later tonight!"

She rushed from the house so quickly she didn't know if Grandmother said anything in reply.

* * *

 

In the end Saya barely made it to Sensei's house in time.  She was still trying to catch her breath while she toed off her shoes, beaming in triumph for arriving in time despite her late start.  She paused though when she saw Sensei's stricken face as he rounded the corner, phone against his ear, hand over the receiver.  "You might want to leave your shoes on, Saya-chan."

His voice was so gentle, and she knew that tone of voice.  Not that he'd ever used it, but it was the same tone she'd heard a year ago, everywhere she went.  First from the officer, then doctors, and finally her grandmother who had taken her in--  "No."

He returned his attention to the phone though.  "No, that's not necessary.  I could call you when I return home, and let you know what will happen then."  A pause.  "If you want to.  I'm sure she'll appreciate a friendly face at least.  Hopefully we won't be there that long though."  Another pause.  "No.  I'll see you there then.  Yes."

And then his attention was completely on Saya.

"We need to go to the hospital.  It's your grandmother.  Apparently, just after you left she called an ambulance.  They think it's her heart, since she's had problems like this before."

Saya nodded blankly, still with one shoe on and one shoe off.  He was still talking, putting his shoes on now, grabbing his keys, guiding her out the door....

"She'll be okay though.  Right?"

He stopped in the middle of the yard and looked at her.  That he even paused to consider his words told her a lot.  "I'm sure she will," he finally said, smiling sadly.  Saya knew though that this was grown-up speak for no, but I don't want you to worry.

And that, of course, meant that there was something to worry about.  She followed him to the car and carefully made sure both of their seat belts were fastened.  Sensei was surprised by this, but played along as grown-ups did.  The ride passed in silence, and neither of them said anything until they arrived.  Even then, the only words either of them spoke were to find out what was going on, and where they should go.  Grandmother was being treated in the emergency ward, and she could see no visitors at the moment, so they found themselves in a waiting room.

Saya sat in a chair and swung her legs back and forth impatiently for the most part.  Once in a while she stood up and thought about walking around, but she always sat back down.  What if a doctor came in to tell her she could see Grandmother?  She didn't want to miss that.

They waited in silence for what seemed like forever, and eventually Shindou-sensei walked in.  Her tummy felt fluttery when she saw him, and she said a quiet hello.  She wasn't sure if she wanted to see him or not--torn between gratitude for being there and apprehension because of all the things she'd read about him.

"You must be very worried, Saya," he said softly, sitting next to her.

She nodded, staring at her hands as they twisted in her lap.  "She'll come home tonight though, so I can sleep in my own bed.  She always does."  There was that little doubt though, just like when she sat in this same waiting room and waited for her parents to take her home a year ago...made even worse because they never had.

"This has happened before?" Touya-sensei asked.

"A couple of times.  Her heart is bad, but the doctors can make it better.  They always do.  When I was little, she had a surgery and was in the hospital for a long time, but it's been years and she said that she should be all better now."  Even as she spoke though, she realized how silly her words were.  Those were the things she was told as a five-year-old, half her lifetime ago.  She knew better now.  People died from these things all the time, even after surgery.

A look at the adults' faces backed up her thoughts that her words had been simple and overly optimistic.  Still....

"When I was a few years older than you," Touya-sensei said, "my father had a heart attack.  He has rearranged his life, and he listens to his doctors, and he's lived well since.  There's no reason to lose hope just because we're here, Saya-chan."

"Your grandmother will be just fine," Shindou-sensei said enthusiastically, giving her a thumbs up.  "You just need to have faith that everything will work out."

She was very grateful suddenly that they were both here.  Touya-sensei was like a rock she could lean against, his experience and gentle understanding helped her to keep from falling out of despair.  Shindou-sensei went a step further and buoyed her spirits, like the sun after a dreary stormy day.  She forgot for a while all that she'd read about him and smiled while they both continued to cheer her up.  For a while, they were almost like friends--or rather, almost like the family she no longer had.

* * *

 

As time went on and they continued to wait, Shindou-sensei pulled out a well-worn magnetic goban.  After a little discussion the two pros started playing each other in the waiting room in lieu of their now regular weekly game.  It was set on a chair between the two, and Saya sat on the floor beside it and watched their game.  She had her arms folded at the edge of the chair, and as she watched her head grew heavier and heavier.  Finally she rested it on her arms and forgot all about who was playing which color.  They were the lights in the sky, and it was an epic battle between night and day.  Sometimes the darkness seemed to pull ahead, sometimes it was the bright light, but in the end it was even.  She was drifting off and murmured softly, "Mama has gotten a lot better, Papa.  I love to watch you play...."

The next thing she knew she was being shaken awake.  "Saya-chan.  Wake up.  Your grandmother is awake, and you can see her now for a few minutes."

A few minutes?  She swallowed, but nodded drowsily.  The trio followed a doctor to a darkened room, and they heard the distinctive beep of a heart monitor.  The light over the bed was on though, and Grandmother was sitting there, propped up by pillows.  "Saya-chan, it's so late sweetheart.  I'm so sorry to worry you like this."  She held out her arms, and Saya rushed into them to hug her grandmother.

"I got a little bit of sleep in the waiting room.  Don't worry about me.  You just get all better!"  Saya smiled as bravely as she could, blinking rapidly to keep herself from spilling useless tears.

"The doctor said I need surgery first thing in the morning.  I'm afraid I have to stay here for a while.  Is there a friend at school you might want to stay with starting tomorrow?  I'll ask the doctors if they can let you sleep in the bed here tonight, since it's too late to disturb your classmates."  She was smiling gently, but even this much planning made the stress apparent on her face.

Saya thought, running through her list of friends.  Kentaro-kun was expecting a little sister soon.  Sato-kun was still a little distant since he'd lost to her at the tournament, though they'd made up right away.  Sakura-chan had a house full of brothers and sisters already.  Ayame-chan was in a tiny apartment and didn't really have room for guests....

"If it is okay with you," Touya-sensei began softly, "She could stay with me for the time being."

Saya's heart skipped a beat.  She looked at him and then looked at Grandmother, hope shining in her eyes.

Grandmother frowned.  "I would hate to impose, since you have been so generous already."

"It would be no imposition.  I have an extra room, and I would be more than happy to help.  She's my brightest student, and has always been very polite."

Saya's eyes grew wide at such praise.  It was the last thing she'd expected--and clearly the last thing Grandmother had expected since her eyes had gone wide as well.

"If you've managed to bring Saya-chan's polite side out this whole time, you're gifted indeed."  It wasn't said unkindly, but Saya still pouted to hear such teasing.  "If you are sure it is not an imposition, I would be happy to leave Saya-chan in your hands."

From there it was just a matter of hammering out formalities like bedtime and other boring details.  Saya tuned the rest out, paying only enough attention to agree to obey when prompted.  If she couldn't stay at home, she couldn't think of a place where she'd be happier.  She imagined nights of hearing go stones as they clicked onto the board; her curled up on the floor watching beside.  It would be just like home--home before Grandmother.

Saya hugged Grandmother tightly once again.  "Thank you.  I'll do my best."

"I know, child.  You always do."


	5. Promises and Secrets

The next few days were unsettling, but Akira and Saya found an acceptable balance by Saturday.  He worried about her though, because she was acting so much more sedate than before.  In some ways it was a relief, since Akira had always lived in an environment that fostered a sense of calm.  In other ways though, it was unsettling because Saya had been so bursting with energy before.

In his mind, there was only one solution.  He would have to ask Shindou if he was free Sunday to do something fun with her.  It was a bit last-minute, but there was always a chance--

A girl's voice answered the phone, and Akira almost dropped the receiver.  He wondered if he'd dialed the wrong number by accident--  "I'm looking for Shindou Hikaru."

"May I ask who's calling?"

So, it was the right number.  "This is Touya Akira.  If it's a bad time, I can call back la--"

"Touya-san!  I've been wanting to thank you for agreeing to be our best man!"

(In the background he could hear Shindou shouting.  "It's Touya?  Akari, give me the phone!"  Akira smiled.)

"I was surprised by the request, but I'm honored Shindou asked me."

("Akari!  Hand me the phone!  Now!"  He sounded like a little kid, fighting with a sibling.

There was a sound of the phone being covered by a hand.  "Hikaru!  Just wait a moment while I express my appreciation, since I'm sure you didn't do so properly.  One of us has to be polite, since you're always so rude.")

"I'm the one who is honored that you agreed, and Hikaru is more thankful than he'll ever admit."  ("Akari!!!")  She giggled.  "I should hand him the phone before his head explodes.  I'm glad I had a chance to talk to you, Touya-san.  I look forward to meeting you."

Before he could say anything the phone changed hands and Shindou was saying, "Don't listen to her.  She's been teasing me all night for some reason."

"Why don't you want me to listen to her?  You didn't really want me to be the best man?"  He couldn't resist teasing as well...it was infectious.

"What?  That's not what I meant!"

(In the background, Akari was laughing loudly.  "Now behave, Hikaru, or I'll tell him the truth."

The phone was muffled again.  "Those invitations, right there, and now leave!  You're the one who is being rude!"

"Goodnight, Hikaru.  See you next week!"  That was followed by the sound of a door closing.)

"I'm sorry about all that.  So, what did you call for?"  Shindou sounded more relaxed now.

"I wanted to ask if you're free tomorrow."  Akira's heart was pounding as he asked.  Why?  Why couldn't he just ask this for Saya's sake without the secret hope that--

There was a slight pause.  "Nothing I can't get out of.  Why, what's the emergency?"

"I need your help.  Saya's grandmother will be in surgery all day tomorrow, and I was thinking of taking her somewhere fun to keep her mind off of things.  I'm getting worried because she's so quiet--"

"And you need me to come along, why?"  Shindou's voice was teasing...amused.

"I'm not sure where to go.  I have no idea what she'd find fun, and I want it to be a surprise for her."

Was Shindou laughing?  "You can't think of anything a little kid might find fun?"

Akira flushed, starting to get angry.  Angry at Shindou for laughing, and angry at himself for being stupid enough to call _him_ , of all people, to help with this.  "Never mind.  I'll think of something," he muttered, getting ready to hang up the phone.

"No!  Wait, it sounds like fun!  I've got a couple of ideas already, okay?  It's been forever since I went out just to have fun like that."  He sounded so eager and enthusiastic....

Akira hesitated only a moment before he found his smile again.  "Okay.  What did you have in mind?"

* * *

 

The next day was a whirlwind of activity.  Miniature golf, a park with a few rides on a merry-go-round and Ferris wheel.  The afternoon was topped off with a movie of Saya's choice, and ice cream after supper.  By the time the three returned to Akira's house, Saya was worn out and smiling from ear to ear.  For that matter, so were both of the adults.  "...I know of an indoor water park too, not too far away." Shindou was saying as they slipped off their shoes and all walked into the house.  "Next time, we'll have to go there."

Akira stopped cold.  "Next time?"

"Yeah, sure.  We'll have to do this next weekend, or the one after maybe.  Don't worry, I'll pay--"

"That's not it."  Akira frowned a little, and then turned to Saya with a kind look.  "Go take your bath and get ready for bed.  You have school tomorrow."

Shindou looked confused as the little girl left the room.  "What?  What's wrong?"

Akira shook his head, dispelling Shindou's worry at his overreaction.  "We have a seminar next weekend, remember?  I know I saw your name listed for it.  The weekend after that I promised to get Saya's house ready for her grandmother to return if all goes well."

"Oh.  That seminar.  I was thinking of canceling."

"Shindou!  You can't do that."

He sighed heavily, shrugging.  "Yeah, I know.  People are showing up just to see me and all."  He half-heartedly rolled his eyes and gave a wry grin.

The truth was, if anyone was a draw there it was Akira.  They both knew it.  Still, making an obligation like that and so easily dismissing it--didn't Shindou have any work ethic at all?  "One week is a little bit of short notice for you to not show up just because you feel like it.  I don't know if we'll be able to replace you."

"Oh, that was a funny one.  Tell another joke," Shindou's voice was heavy with sarcasm.  "Anybody could replace me at the last minute.  You're the only one anybody is really depending on."  This was followed by a heavy sigh.  "Everybody knows better than to depend on me."

"What is wrong with you, Shindou?  Where the hell did all this self-pity come from?  Snap out of it!  Grow up and get over yourself!"

"I don't have to explain myself to you.  You have no idea what I've been through the last few years!  You have no idea about anything about me!  Nobody does!"

"Not for lack of trying.  You're the one who refuses to open up and gives promises of a some day that never comes!"

"Oh please!  You don't want to know who I am!  All you care about--all anybody ever cared about--is Sai!"

"At this point I don't give a damn if you never tell me what that stupid secret of yours is!  Sue me for being curious, but that's hardly the only thing that confuses the hell out of me and makes me want you around!"

"You just don't get it, do you?"

"I would if you'd just open that mouth of yours and tell me!"

They were both breathing hard, glaring, hands clenched in fists and poised as if they would come to blows.  Neither of them ever had, or ever would, but it seemed like every other time they saw each other this is how their conversations ended.  Shindou looked like he was about to storm out, as per the norm, his deep hazel eyes glowing with his ire.  Again, nothing had been resolved.

"Ano..."

Saya stood in the doorway, white nightgown brushing her toes, hands clenched in front of her face and eyes wide.  Both adults were startled to see her there, having forgotten she was even in the house as their tempers flared.  Akira swallowed his anger, turning to her with a calmer expression.  "I'm sorry, Saya-chan.  We didn't mean to fight in front of you."

She was staring at Shindou with wide eyes though, ignoring what Akira said.  "Excuse me, but who is Sai?"

Akira was shocked at the reaction Shindou had to that question.  He leaned hard against the wall suddenly, looking more defeated than at any other point Akira had ever seen him.  There was so much sadness in his expression that it broke his heart...and the words that followed made his heart bleed.

"He was a friend of mine.  He died a very long time ago."

Of course.  It explained so much, Akira thought.  He should have realized somehow that Sai was dead by how Shindou had behaved, and how Sai had disappeared even from playing online.  Yet, it was such a huge loss to the world of go that it still hurt to have it confirmed that such a player was lost forever.  "Was it," he asked slowly, hesitating over the words, "ten years ago?  Is that what happened?"

But, Shindou was shaking his head and pulling himself together.  "No, more like a thousand."

Akira found his hands balling into fists yet again.  This was beyond irritating!  "Can't you ever be serious about anything?"

"I--" he began, a flash of his former ire showing for the briefest glimmer of a moment.  It didn't last though.  He shook his head, eyes cast downward now.  "Never mind.  Yoshitaka never understood, why would you?"

Yoshitaka?  Oh--Waya's given name.  Akira took a deep breath, eyes growing more intense--that stung.  Still, he only said, "I am not him."

"No, but you still wouldn't believe me."

"How do you know?  If you would just tell me--"

Shindou just shook his head and looked over at Saya.  "It's been a long day, and you have school in the morning young lady."  He gave her a wink and a grin, holding out a hand to her.  "Would you like me to tell you a bedtime story?"

Saya looked between them, her eyes speaking of more worry than Akira had wanted to put there.  She already had too much to deal with for such a small child.  He had no choice but to drop it for now.  Akira nodded and Saya happily took Shindou's hand, pulling him to the room that had been designated hers for the time being.

"Do you have any story books for me to read to you?"

She shook her head.  "I left them all at home."

Shindou shook his head and sighed.  "I'll have to make it up as I go along then.  What kind of story did you want to hear?"

A gleam of mischief appeared in her eyes, and she grinned up at him as she settled under the blankets.  "Tell me about you, Shindou-sensei!"

"No, there's nothing about me you'd find interesting," he said, ruffling her hair fondly.

"Then tell me more about Sai!"  She grinned playfully.  "I'll tell you about papa and mama another day in payment, because when someone you care about dies it's good to talk about them and remember the good things.  Grandmother said so."

Shindou shot Akira a look that clearly asked, 'did you put her up to this somehow?'

He spread his hands and shook his head.  He'd never mentioned Sai to her, and wouldn't have thought to use her in such a way.  He just waited, hovering in the doorway, wondering if this was finally how he'd learn Shindou's secret.  He wouldn't leave now if his life depended on it.


	6. Bedtime Story

Hikaru felt trapped.  This wasn't how he wanted to explain things to anyone.  He hated the thought of letting her down though, and there was still a part of him that burned with an excuse to just get it all out.  She was right.  He really wanted to share the good memories he'd had.

More than that though, he wanted to be believed.  So far, that hadn't happened the one time he'd gotten the courage up to share the story.  But, how could anybody believe--?

"Bedtime stories always start with 'Once upon a time...' don't they?"

Saya shook her head cutely.  "They don't have to.  Especially if they're about something that really happened."

He nodded, still trying to think of how to put this into words.  "Sai is the one who taught me go," he began slowly.  That was a nice, safe statement.  He waited for some sort of reaction from Touya, but the other pro still stood in the doorway with his arms crossed expectantly.  That made this so much harder.

Saya wouldn't put up with his hesitation tough, and prompted him.  "Was he your sensei?"

Hikaru blinked.  How could he not have thought of Sai like that, even after all these years?  "Yeah, but I never called him that," he admitted slowly.  He grinned as he remembered though, "I always just called him Sai, or that annoying pest, or the rude person who forced me to learn a game I thought was boring and only for old men!"

"You were forced?"  Saya sounded shocked.

Hikaru laughed, enjoying her surprise.  "Yeah.  It was either that or be sick all the time because he couldn't play."  He knew what he said wouldn't make sense to her, but that was okay.  This was about sharing the happy memories, right?

"That's silly.  And impossible."  She crossed her arms and pouted about being teased.  A moment later her pout changed to a concerned look.  "But, you love go now, right?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yeah.  I can't think of anything I'd rather do."  He ruffled her hair fondly.

"Good," she smiled happily, looking relieved.  "But, what happened to him?"

Hikaru again glanced toward Touya and hesitated.  Well, it couldn't be helped.  He had already agreed to tell the story.  He looked downward, talking to the blankets of Saya's bed rather than to anyone in the room.  "I already told you.  He died a thousand years ago."

"Then, how could he have been your sensei?"

"Well, once upon a time..."

* * *

 

Hikaru opened the beer gratefully, still not looking far enough up to meet Touya's eyes.  He didn't drink usually, he'd been turned off of it that night he'd let Sai play Ogata.  Tonight though, he really needed a drink.  He felt completely and utterly drained after the day's activity, and by reliving his time with Sai.  He'd told the story as if it were a fairy tale for Saya's sake, but every word had been the truth.

She'd stayed awake, enraptured by the tale.  She loved it when he'd said Sai's hair had been much like hers, and she was full of questions that left Hikaru no wiggle room to omit certain things he wasn't sure he wanted Touya to hear.  For some reason, Saya had believed him explicitly.

"You think I'm crazy, don't you?" Hikaru asked heavily, taking a deep swallow of beer.

"I don't know," came the soft reply.

The two continued drinking in silence.  He knew it was a big mistake.  He knew there was a reason he'd never been able to bring himself to say it.  He glanced out of the corner of his eye at Touya, only to see him staring thoughtfully back at him.  Hikaru immediately cast his eyes downward again, taking a deep breath.

Touya spoke before Hikaru could though.  "No, I don't think you're crazy.  I should think you are.  I mean, things like that just don't happen.  Or, maybe they do, and there are too many people in the world who think they don't, so no one will admit that they do."

"I thought I was, at first.  I didn't want to think about that too much, and Sai would have been able to tell, so I just didn't worry about it.  But, then, how else could I play go so well that everyone else was impressed?  --That you were impressed?  And then, when I doubted after he was gone, I found the kifu from Torajiro--from Shusaku I mean--and I realized for the first time what I'd had, and what I'd lost.  I knew I couldn't have dreamed it all up.  I can't prove it to anyone else, but I know."  Hikaru's voice the whole time was flat, matter-of-fact.  He was still wary, but he was also weary.

"It makes too much sense," Touya finally said.  "I don't want to believe you, but I have no choice."

Hikaru sighed, setting his beer aside, no longer in the mood to finish it.  The taste had never been a favorite; just an occasional craving that had now passed again.  "Of course you have a choice.  You can kick me out right now, and tell yourself it was just a story I told for Saya to get her to go to sleep.  You can tell yourself I'm crazy, or that I'm making it up.  You can ignore it and humor me and--"  He broke off, clenching his hands into fists over his lap.  This was much harder than he'd expected.  Much harder than when he'd first "tested the waters" and told his story the first time.

But, Touya was shaking his head.  "No.  I thought I was the crazy one because I wondered if the spirit of Shusaku had somehow possessed you.  I can't tell you how many times over the years that I came to that conclusion and told myself that I had to be crazy.  Every time I heard some little story from someone else about you, some rumor about an incident in the past or some idle comment, it lead me to the same conclusion.  Why did I see Shusaku in your game?  Why did I see it in every kifu I could find from Sai's games?  The two were similar, but not the same...except when I thought of the first two times we played.  Those were Sai, before you learned how to play at all."  It wasn't a question.  Touya's voice had grown more animated and excited as he spoke, and now his eyes were glowing intently with discovery.

That enthusiasm didn't transfer to Hikaru at all though.  "Yes," he said, nodding slowly.

"And when you yelled at me that one day, when you told me to stop chasing your ghost--you meant that literally."

Hikaru looked stunned.  It took him a second to remember exactly when that was...oh yeah, the last time he'd let Sai play on the computer that summer...he'd been lucky that he hadn't been in the middle of a game that time.  It was one of the rare occasions that Sai had been satisfied enough to let him just poke around at whatever else he could find online.  "You really do remember everything about me, don't you?"

Touya's face went bright red.  "It's been a long day, and I have to wake up early to make sure Saya-chan gets ready for school in time.  I--"

"Touya!"  Hikaru was suddenly frustrated, and he wasn't sure why.  He just felt that he was on the verge of something important, and Touya wasn't saying something that he really wanted to hear.

"I'll see you at the seminar next weekend," he said, standing up.  His face was still bright red, as if he were--blushing?  "I wanted to ask you to help me keep an eye on Saya, since she'll be so out of place there.  Please."

Hikaru felt out of sorts.  He'd planned on skipping out on it.  He didn't want to go at all--didn't Touya realize?  Ten years ago, this same month.  This same weekend, the first weekend of May.  The same place even!  He couldn't go.  He just couldn't.  He didn't know how he'd managed to forget long enough to have agreed to it in the first place, but as soon as he'd realized, he knew he just couldn't do it.

But, he found himself nodding listlessly.  "I'll be there.  I'd be more than happy to help you watch Saya."

"Shindou--I--" Touya paused, frowning, face serious again and without a trace of the blush he'd worn before.  He shook his head and started again.  "This isn't how you wanted to tell me, is it?"

"No."

"Would you have, ever?"

"Of course!  I said I would, didn't I?"

Touya was giving him _the look_ though.  "After ten years?"

Hikaru looked back down miserably.  "A lot happened.  For a while I just wasn't ready to talk about it at all.  Then I moved in with Yoshitaka and it was like I didn't have time for anyone else, or anything else.  When we started dating, I just stopped thinking about the rest of the world.  If I wasn't playing go, I was too wrapped up in him to care about anything else.  I didn't care about my reputation, or any prior commitments, or anything at all, okay?"

"And then you told him, while you two were a couple?"

"Yes.  That's what couples do.  They don't keep secrets, and they believe in each other.  At least, that's what I thought," he said bitterly.  "He humored me.  He said he believed me, but he lied.  He threw it back in my face, when--"

He didn't need to say it.  They both knew when.  Everyone who followed go three years ago knew the "when" Hikaru referred to.

After a pause, he went on.  "I've been trying to think of a way to say it better.  To tell you so that you would understand, since you're so much a part of everything that happened.  It wouldn't be fair not to tell you.  I just didn't want you thinking I was crazy too."

"I don't think you're crazy," Touya said softly again.  "I really am tired though," he admitted, stifling a yawn.  "Good night, Hikaru."

He nodded wearily, heading toward the door.  "Good night."

He'd made it all the way out to the street before he stopped to turn around and stare.  He was half tempted to run back up the walk and--  No, it really was late.

But....

"Did he really just call me--?"

No, he had to be imagining it.  Touya?  Calling him by his given name?  No, they'd been set in their ways too long to change now, weren't they?

"Yeah, great," Hikaru grumbled to himself as he walked.  "He's heading off to get a good night's sleep even now, and I'm going to be awake all night now.  That's just not fair!"

Then, a few steps later he said, "And I'm still too used to talking to myself.  This is all your fault, Sai!  I hope you know that, wherever you are now."

Amazing how things set aside so long can come back so easily at times like this.  He walked quickly to the nearest subway location, still lost in memories.  Ten years later it still hurt, but it was okay.  He had regrets, but he'd had something no one else did.  He drew on the happy memories as he rode home, refusing to let the evening's recollection bring him down.

"I was lucky to have known him," he murmured to himself, smiling and disturbing a girl seated nearby.  He grinned apologetically, and the girl only backed away slightly.  "Well, this is a night full of nostalgia."  He turned away and looked out the window at nothing.  He wasn't surprised when the girl got off at the next stop.

Everything from there was uneventful.  He came home to an empty and darkened apartment.  From there he turned on a solitary light, illuminating just enough to function by.  He yawned hugely, worn out by the full day but still wired.  The little red light on his phone flashed repeatedly, and he sat down next to it to dial the number for his phone mail.

"You have one new message.  To listen to your message pre--"

He interrupted by pressing the correct button from memory.

"One saved message, sent today at eight-thirty-seven am.  'Hikaru, this is Akari.  You're gone already?  Well, the invitations you pointed to would take to long, so I'm going with my favorite instead.  I know, you told me to do that in the first place, but I've wanted to make you feel more involved in all this.  I feel guilty for doing everything I want all the time.

"'Anyway, have fun today.  It was nice to talk to Touya-san on the phone finally!  He sounds cuter than his pictures make him out to be, and that's really cute!  No wonder you used to have a crush on him.  Okay, okay, I'll stop teasing you about it.  Don't take it out on your phone!  I'll call you back tomorrow.'  To delete this message p--"

He pressed the button quickly and hung up, rolling his eyes.  "Used to have.  Yeah.  Thanks for reminding me, Akari."

Hikaru went through the motions of getting ready for bed.  With those few words he stopped thinking of Sai almost entirely.  He turned off the light and lay down in bed quietly, but he stared into the darkness blindly.  It was a long time before he got any sleep at all.


End file.
